


Ruby Eyes

by Nation_Ustria



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Identity Issues, Kai is a Good Big Brother, Lloyd Garmadon Angst, Lloyd Garmadon Needs Therapy, Lloyd Garmadon Needs a Hug, Mental Breakdown, No Slash, POV Alternating, Sibling Bonding, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nation_Ustria/pseuds/Nation_Ustria
Summary: Red. Green. Gold. Lloyd Garmadon's eyes have been a few different colors since Kai claimed him as his little brother, and each one had proved that he was a different thing; the son of Lord Garmadon, the Green Ninja, the Ultimate Spinjitzu Master. By the time they've dealt with Chen, though, they've seemed to settle on green.Only Kai realizes that green isn't the color they should be.Or: Kai is a good big brother and Lloyd has terrible mental health because of all the crap he's gone through.
Relationships: Lloyd Garmadon & Kai
Comments: 27
Kudos: 156





	1. Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Okay, time to write another chapter of one of my WIPs—  
> My brain: Here's a new idea to write!  
> Me: But I already—  
> My brain: N e w i d e a  
> Me: *sighs* Fine
> 
> So I intended this to be a one-shot but that . . . didn't happen. I think I've got half-ish of it written currently. The last scenes of this fic will happen a few months after the Tournament of Elements.
> 
> Apologies for any typos.
> 
> Enjoy!

The brat’s eyes make Kai’s skin crawl. They’re too similar to the eyes that had haunted Kai’s nightmares for months—a monster’s eyes. The resemblance made sense, though, because the child in front of him _was_ the son of the dark lord who had kidnapped Nya, of the dark lord who threatened Ninjago’s safety even as he was off in some other realm.

Somehow, though, Lloyd Garmadon was making himself into an even _bigger_ problem. Or one that was at least more immediately demanding, because the brat had just dumped a _bucket of mud_ on Kai.

Kai snarled, lunging at the kid, but Lloyd danced away. He was laughing, his freaky red eyes shining with triumph.

“Get _back_ here you little _twerp_ —” Kai shouted as Lloyd shot into the hallway. Kai barreled after him, but the kid was gone, his laughter echoing through the empty hall in a way that was almost impressively creepy. Kai growled, slamming his fist against the wall in frustration. That little _brat_ —where did he even _get_ a bucket of mud, they lived on a ship in the _sky_.

*****

Lloyd couldn’t care less about what the ninja thought of him. At least, that was what he told himself. He knew he was lying, but hey, he was going to be a villain like his dad so he had to get good at lying anyway. He was already pretty good at it, as he’d already proven with the whole pink gi-violet berry soup-video game-training bot fiasco, which he’d dubbed the Ultimate Prank. After all, none of the ninja had suspected a _thing_ until he’d given himself away with his awesomely evil laugh. Of course, since then, they automatically blamed him for all further pranks—and for anything else that went wrong, actually, which he hadn’t suspected would happen. One of Jay’s gadgets had shorted itself out or something a few days ago, and despite the fact Lloyd hadn’t even been aware of the thing’s _existence_ Jay had chewed him out for it. It’d been over an hour before the chatterbox finally ran out of words, finishing by slamming the door on his way out. Lloyd didn’t really mind—after all, it helped build up his Evil Image, and it’s not like he wanted the ninja to _like_ him or anything.

At least, that’s what he told himself.

It wasn’t like they’d actually ever like him much, anyway. He was the son of _Lord Garmadon_ —and he had the eyes to prove it. He had mixed feelings about his eye color: on the one hand, it helped freak people out—but on the other hand, it freaked people out. Kai especially—he’d never intentionally meet Lloyd’s gaze, and if he did accidentally he’d quickly look away, an expression of disgust flickering across his face. Lloyd pointedly ignored the way it made him want to curl into a ball and hide when that happened—he did _not_ care about the fire ninja’s opinion of him, thank you very much.

So Lloyd had red eyes. It marked him as what he was—an evil-warlord-in-training. Which was a good—by which Lloyd meant bad in the right way—thing.

Right?

Of course it was. It had to be.


	2. The Green Ninja

Kai dried his hands off, flipping off the bathroom light. He was halfway back to the bedroom he shared with his brothers when something grabbed his attention. He paused, tilting his head as he tried to identify what he was hearing. The noise was soft, so quiet that he almost couldn’t hear it.

A memory stirred in Kai’s mind, one from years back when Nya had been missing her two front teeth. Kai softly sucked in a breath, finally figuring out what the noise was: crying. A child crying, specifically.

Lloyd.

Kai silently made his way to the tiny room—it was more of a closet, really—that Lloyd had claimed as his own. 

Kai paused outside of the door, listening to the stifled sobs that came from within. The kid was obviously muffling himself with something—probably his pillow—and Kai guessed that it was only due to the intensity of the sobs that he could hear anything at all.

Kai’s heart twisted painfully.

Slowly, Kai let out his breath. Of course the kid was upset. Not only had he been held captive by the serpentine for almost two weeks, he’d almost died in a volcano—and then he’d found out that he was the Green Ninja, destined to fight his own father. Kai would be traumatized himself if he’d gone through that, and Lloyd was _seven_.

Why had sensei thought that it was a good idea to leave him alone?

Kai softly knocked on the door. “Lloyd?”

The sobs cut off. After a moment there was a thick, “Go ‘way.”

“Do you really want me to?” Kai asked quietly. He waited. When Lloyd didn’t respond, it gave him his answer. “I’m gonna come in.”

When Kai opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of Lloyd curled in on himself so tightly that he looked half his already tiny size. He was wearing the black hoodie again, the hood half-covering his mop of blonde hair as he buried his face in a pillow.

Kai maneuvered himself into the tiny room, sitting down next to Lloyd. He left about six inches of space in between them. He watched Lloyd for a moment—the kid was visibly, if silently, trying to suppress his sobs—before looking around. There wasn’t much, just a sleeping pad that had the corners of some of Jay’s comic books peeking out from under it. The green gi was crumpled in the far corner, looking like it’d been thrown at the wall.

When Kai turned back to Lloyd, he discovered that the kid was peeking up at him, his eyes starkly red even in the dimness. Lloyd quickly hid his face again, his hands curling into fists.

Kai didn’t say anything. He shifted so that his body was turned towards Lloyd, keeping his hands open and close to the ground. He waited.

Eventually, Lloyd peeked up at him again. Kai held his gaze, forcing himself not to look away like he’d gotten so used to doing. Lloyd’s eyes were swollen, probably red in the usual sense as well, his face and the pillow he was looking up from soaked. 

Kai looked, and this time, he didn’t see the eyes of a monster. He saw the eyes of a little boy who was terrified out of his mind, a little boy who had had way too much placed on his shoulders. A little boy who had been alone for far too long, part of which Kai blamed himself for.

Moving slowly, Kai opened his arms towards Lloyd. Lloyd’s eyes widened, and Kai watched the emotions battle across Lloyd’s face—confusion, disbelief, suspicion, more confusion, and then finally, _want_. Lloyd started leaning towards him, but then he jerkily forced himself to pull back. He turned away, but not before Kai caught the fear in his expression—the fear, and the guilt.

Tears pricked the back of Kai’s eyes.

When Lloyd glanced back at him, as if checking to see if he was still there, Kai held out his arms even further. “It’s okay, Lloyd.”

Lloyd stared up at him, then with a sob that wrenched Kai’s heart even further he threw himself into Kai’s arms, burying his face in his shirt. Kai pulled him close, rocking back and forth as he held the boy in his arms. Lloyd’s breaths were coming in shuddering gasps, desperate cries mixing with the hitching sobs as he pressed himself against Kai’s chest.

Eventually Lloyd’s sobs started to slow, but it was in the rasping, jerking way that meant that his body had run out of tears. As Lloyd gasped for air Kai started humming a tuneless song, guiding the melody up and down for Lloyd to match his breathing to. 

Lloyd went quiet after a few minutes, his figure rising and falling in time to Kai’s song. Kai wondered if the kid had fallen asleep, but then he realized that Lloyd was playing with the hem of Kai’s shirt, rolling the fabric between his fingers.

Kai let the silence stretch. He made sure that his hold was loose enough that Lloyd could easily pull away if he wanted to, but he didn’t let go.

“Kai?” Lloyd asked quietly. His voice was hoarse, which wasn’t a surprise.

“Hmm?” Kai replied.

“Why—” Lloyd cut himself off, tensing. Kai waited, and slowly the kid relaxed.

Lloyd tried again. “Why—why are you doing this?”

Kai processed. That question could mean a lot of things beyond the obvious, and kids didn’t always mean the obvious. “Which ‘this’ are you asking about?” Kai asked softly.

“Why are you—” Lloyd hiccuped. “Why are you being nice to me? If it’s just because I’m the Green Ninja . . .” he trailed off.

Kai’s heart clenched. “Lloyd, _no_.”

“But—”

“No ‘buts’,” Kai interrupted, a tad more harshly than he meant to. Lloyd flinched.

Kai took a deep breath. “My duty as a ninja is to protect the Green Ninja, yes. But right now, I’m not a ninja—I’m just Kai, and I’m comforting my little brother because I don’t want him to hurt anymore.”

Lloyd froze. “Your . . . little brother?” he asked carefully. Kai didn’t miss the hope behind the words.

“Uh-huh. My annoying, prank-loving, brave little brother who I would never want any other way.” And Kai meant it, meant it with every fiber of his being. Even though he had only discovered that the kid had grown on him when Lloyd had gotten kidnapped, he’d realized in the volcano just how important the kid was to him.

“You . . . uh . . . like—like Nya?”

It took a moment for Kai to understand what he was asking: _‘You care for me like you care for Nya?’_

“Yup,” Kai confirmed. “Of course, it’s slightly different as you’re two different people, but you’re my little brother just like she’s my little sister.”

“Oh.” Lloyd sounded like he was wondering if this was actually happening. 

Kai hugged him a little closer. “I love you, kiddo.”

“You—” Lloyd’s voice hitched, rising slightly. “You love me?”

Kai closed his eyes, double-checking to make sure that he wasn’t lying.

He wasn’t.

“I do,” he confirmed quietly.

There was a dry sob, then Lloyd was pressing his face into Kai’s shirt again.

After a moment, Kai leaned down a bit. “Are you okay being my little brother?” he murmured.

Quickly, Lloyd jerkily nodded.

Kai smiled, holding his little brother close.

They sat there like that for a while. Eventually, though, Kai shifted. “We should probably get you some water, kiddo.”

“I’m not a kid,” Lloyd mumbled into Kai’s shirt.

Kai laughed a little, then pulled back a bit so he could ruffle Lloyd’s hair. It was extremely satisfying, partially because Lloyd’s hair was ridiculously fluffy from the shower he’d taken earlier and partially because Lloyd squawked, jerking away to avoid Kai’s hand.

“ _Kai_ ,” Lloyd whined, but his eyes—his beautiful ruby eyes that were still wet from tears—were shining.

*****

Lloyd stood on the step-stool that Uncle Wu had put in the bathroom for him, leaning against the counter as he stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes looked . . . _wrong_. They were the same color they’d always been, but Lloyd was the _Green Ninja_. Shouldn’t they be green? Or at least, some color that wasn’t the evil red that he’d gotten from Dad. Dad, who Lloyd would have to _fight_ , the only person who—

No, not the only person. Kai loved him, too. Though to be honest, Lloyd was still half-waiting for Kai to tell him that the opposite was true, that it was a lie to get him back for all of the pranks Lloyd had pulled on him—but so far, it seemed to be the truth. Kai had shared his pop-tarts with Lloyd and would tell him terrible jokes that Lloyd loved and had even been nice when Lloyd beat him playing video games, though he _had_ pretended to die dramatically. He’d also come and held Lloyd again after he had had a nightmare, which Lloyd would never admit to loving—he _wasn’t_ a baby. The only time Kai had gotten mad was when Lloyd had pranked him, booby-trapping the sink in the kitchen so it’d spray cold water at him when he turned it on. That had turned into a water war, but by the end they were both laughing, even though they were completely soaked.

The others were starting to be nicer too, though Lloyd wasn’t really sure about them. Lloyd had been spending most of his time with Kai, really only doing stuff with the others when he was training.

Which brought him back to the fact that he was the actual _Green Ninja_ , and his eyes were the wrong color.

“Everything alright, green bean?” Kai asked.

Lloyd jumped, turning to see his big brother—he had a _brother_ —standing in the hallway, a cup of what Lloyd assumed to be tea in one hand and a set of shurikens in the other.

“My eyes don’t match,” Lloyd blurted, forgetting to protest about the new nickname Kai had given him.

Kai raised his eyebrows, then leaned down slightly to look at Lloyd’s eyes. “They look like they match to me.”

Lloyd blinked, then huffed. “Not match each other—match me being—” he cut himself off, his face heating. It was a stupid thing to be upset about, he shouldn’t have said anything—

“Match you being the Green Ninja?” Kai finished.

Lloyd hesitated, then quickly nodded.

“Well,” Kai said, straightening, “I will admit that they make you look like a bit of a Christmas decoration when you’re wearing your hood and mask, but other than that I think they’re fine.”

Lloyd gaped. He looked like a _what_ —wait. Kai was smirking, which meant he was teasing again. Lloyd crossed his arms, sticking out his tongue.

Kai laughed. “Seriously though, they’re fine as they are. Though maybe I’m just biased.” He tugged at one sleeve of his bright red jacket as he grinned.

Lloyd snickered.

Then Kai narrowed his eyes at him. “Hang on, aren’t you supposed to be training with Cole right now?”

Uh-oh. Lloyd hopped off the stool, trying to duck around his brother—but Kai snagged him, lifting him into the air. Lloyd yelped in protest.

“Where do you think you’re going, you little gremlin?” Kai asked.

Lloyd twisted, giving Kai his best puppy eyes. “Somewhere where I don’t have to dance?”

Kai barked out a laugh. “Sorry, kiddo, not happening.”

“But _Kai_ ,” Lloyd whined. He _hated_ dancing—he wasn’t any good at it and the songs were always boring.

Kai winked at him. “We’ll go get ice cream later tonight, ‘kay?”

Lloyd grumbled under his breath. Ice cream made it better, but it still didn’t mean that he liked dancing.

“Lloyd!” Cole’s voice echoed down the hallway. “FSM, where are you?!”

“He’s over here!” Kai called in the general direction Cole’s voice had come from. “And don’t swear around the kid!” he added as Cole rounded the corner.

“I’m not a kid,” Lloyd grumbled. It wasn’t very effective, though, as Kai was quite literally handing him to Cole, who threw him over his shoulder. Lloyd whined in protest.

“This wouldn’t happen if you wouldn’t run away,” Cole scolded.

Lloyd blew a raspberry in his ear.


	3. Power

Kai walked into Dareth’s dojo, setting the grocery bag down next to the door. He reflexively scanned the room—and frowned when he didn’t see Lloyd. Jay was sweeping up shattered glass, presumably from light bulbs, while Cole scrolled through his phone off to the side.

“Where’s Lloyd?” Kai asked.

Jay jumped, swearing—his back had been to Kai—as Cole looked up from his phone.

“He kept blowing the lightbulbs up,” Cole explained. “He got frustrated and ran into the back rooms.”

“We figured we’d give him a bit to cool off,” Jay added.

Kai swore under his breath, making a beeline for the curtain of beads that divided the front from the back and ignoring his brothers’ startled stares.

Kai had to check a few rooms before he found the one that his little brother was hiding in—but all of his senses went on red alert when instead of crying he heard pained whimpers.

“Lloyd?” Kai called, darting between the stacks of dojo equipment that stood between him and his little brother.

“K— _Kai_ ,” Lloyd burst out in an agonized cry. “ _Help—me!_ ”

Kai barreled around the last stack of equipment—and froze. Bright green light was surrounding his little brother as he curled in on himself, strands of green and gold whirling around him like he was at the center of a hurricane. Bright green lightning was flickering through the storm, forcing past the boundary of light to strike the ground and wall near him.

Lloyd’s face was screwed tight with pain as tears streamed down his cheeks, the whimpers bursting out of him every time the light around him flared, the circle expanding.

Kai forced his short-circuited brain to reboot. Obviously, this was Lloyd’s green power, and presumably _this_ had somehow happened because Lloyd was upset. Kai stepped towards him, but had to jump back as green lightning struck just where he’d stepped.

 _What do I do what do I do what do I do_ —his little brother was hurting, which was _not_ okay. And with that thought, Kai threw caution to the wind, barreling into the storm.

Energy poured through Kai’s body, which felt somewhere in between Jay accidentally shocking him and like Kai had downed eight pots of coffee. He staggered for a moment, disoriented, then refocused on Lloyd. He reached him and dropped to his knees.

“Kai—it _hurts_ —” Lloyd whimpered, opening his eyes a crack to look up at Kai. Kai realized with a start that Lloyd’s eyes were as green as the storm they were in.

“I’m here,” Kai said, reaching out to pull Lloyd into his arms. As soon as he made contact the electrified-caffeine feeling tripled—FSM, Kai wasn’t going to be able to sleep for a _week_ —and Kai grunted. He continued bundling Lloyd into his arms—the kid was shaking, his gasping whimpers muffling as he buried his face in Kai’s shoulder.

“I’m here,” Kai repeated. “Just . . .” Just _what?_ This was uncharted territory—nothing like this had ever happened to Kai or the others.

“It _hurts_ ,” Lloyd whimpered. “I’m tryin’a keep it in—I _can’t!_ ” The last word turned into a scream as energy burst out of him in a wave. Kai was left breathless at the impact, and after a stunned moment he coughed.

 _Think_. Lloyd couldn’t control his power. Something had to be influencing it, though—Garmadon? No, he’d never hurt Lloyd. Lloyd had come in here because he was upset—wait, _that was it_.

“Let it out, Lloyd,” Kai instructed.

“ _What?_ ” Lloyd squeaked, his voice tight with pain.

“Let it out,” Kai repeated. “It’s only gonna get worse if you keep trying to hold it in.” Lloyd’s power was being influenced by his emotions—it was _mirroring_ his emotions. Which meant that, like emotions, bottling it up was only going to make it hurt more.

Kai had learned that lesson the hard way.

“But—” Lloyd gasped.

“It’s okay,” Kai said. “Just let go, baby bro. Everything’s gonna be okay, I _promise_.”

Lloyd dug his hands into Kai’s shirt, letting out a strangled cry—

Next thing Kai knew he was flat on his back, blinking red afterimages out of his vision. His ears were ringing, which probably wasn’t a good thing, and he felt like he’d been sat on by the Great Devourer, which _definitely_ wasn’t a good thing—but Kai didn’t care. He pushed himself up, scanning the room.

Everything had been blown away from them, stands knocked over and piles toppled across the flow. The window on the far side of the room had shattered, shards of glass sticking out wickedly from the window frame. Kai also didn’t care about any of that—he only cared about Lloyd, who was curled on his side as he sobbed.

Kai crawled the few feet to his baby brother, pulling him into his arms once more. Lloyd sagged against him. Kai looked him over—he didn’t see any injuries, but ribbons of light snaked around him, twisting around his gi and through his hair. 

Eventually Lloyd started to calm, the lights fading. Kai carefully let out his breath.

“Are you okay, Lloyd?” Kai asked, looking down at his brother as best he could.

“I think so,” Lloyd said, his voice thick. He hiccuped.

Kai gave him a moment before he asked, “What happened?”

Lloyd shifted. “I dunno. I just—I was mad, ‘cause I couldn’t do it right, and then there was just so _much_. It wa’ scary,” he mumbled.

Kai processed that. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“Mmm.”

They stayed like that for a few moments. Kai finally registered the rest of the room and forced himself not to flinch. It was a _mess_.

“We’d better get back to the others,” Kai said softly. “They’re probably freaking out.”

“Sorry,” Lloyd muttered. He pulled away.

Kai climbed to his feet. Lloyd did the same, but as soon as he was upright he almost fell over, staggering.

“Easy there,” Kai said, gently grabbing Lloyd’s shoulders. The kid was only half his height, so it didn’t actually take much movement. Lloyd leaned against him, his eyes closed. A spike of alarm stabbed through Kai’s chest. “Lloyd, are you alright?”

“‘M sleepy,” Lloyd mumbled.

Kai blinked down at him, then scooped his little brother up, holding him against his chest like an oversized toddler. Lloyd briefly whined before he sagged against him, his forehead resting on Kai’s shoulder.

Seconds later, the kid was sound asleep.

Kai sighed. He should’ve guessed that using so much power would exhaust the kid, unintentionally used or not.

Moving carefully so as to not disturb Lloyd, Kai started picking his way to the door.

*****

Red. 

Green. 

Red. 

Green.

Red green red.

Lloyd blinked, rubbing one eye with his fist. It was pretty late, but Kai and the others hadn’t gotten back from their mission at the museum yet, which meant that he could stay up as late as he wanted to. Or, it meant that it was easier to stay up without getting caught.

Lloyd leaned forward. He was at the bathroom counter again, standing on tiptoes on the stool so he could get closer to the mirror. He stared at his eyes—currently bright red—and curled one hand into a loose fist. Carefully, he started making tiny bolts green lightning jump between his fingers and his palm.

His eyes turned green again.

Lloyd stared at them for a long moment before he stopped using his power, watching his eyes fade back to red.

It was _weird_. Since he—since whatever had happened with his green power in the dojo a few days ago, his eyes turned green whenever he used his power. Like, _bright_ green. As bright a green as they usually were red. Lloyd couldn’t feel it happening, so at first he’d thought that Jay had just been messing with him as they started training. It took Kai backing Jay up for Lloyd to realize that he was telling the truth, but it took Lloyd actually seeing it in the mirror before he believed it.

And now he couldn’t _stop_ looking. It was just . . . _weird_. That a part of him could change like that. And so quickly, too—it took maybe half a second for his eyes to fade from red to green or the other way around, _if_ that.

“Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon.”

Lloyd jumped, slipping off the stool in the process and yelping as he toppled over. A calloused pair of hands caught him, hauling him back to his feet.

“What are you doing up to late?” Nya scolded. She sounded more sisterly than angry, though, which was one of the things Lloyd liked best about her.

Lloyd shrugged.

Nya sighed. “You were looking at your eyes again, weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Lloyd admitted, crossing his arms to make his next point. “What’s wrong with that?”

Nya huffed out a laugh. “Do I need to remind you that I still need a new hairbrush?”

Oh, yeah. Lloyd ducked his head, trying to hide his blush. Nya wasn’t having any of that, though.

“C’mon, squirt,” she said, grabbing him by the arm. She started hauling him down the hallway towards his bedroom. “You need to get some sleep.”

“But Nya—” Lloyd protested.

“Don’t you dare ‘but Nya’ me, Garmadon,” Nya warned, but there was a smile in her voice.

“Garmadon is Dad’s name,” Lloyd grumbled.

“Lloyd, then,” Nya amended. She ruffled his hair, and Lloyd squawked. Her grip was too tight for him to jerk away. “Or would you rather I go with ‘my favorite little brother’?”

“I’m your _only_ little brother,” Lloyd countered. Then he paused, realizing what she’d just said. “Wait, really?!”

“Yup,” Nya said. She swept Lloyd into a hug, lifting him off the ground. “We all think of you as our little brother.”

Warmth blossomed in Lloyd’s chest, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.


	4. Age

Kai rubbed his forehead as Lloyd was flipped onto his back yet again, yelping in pain. Cole sighed, sending Kai a glance from his stance in front of Lloyd that clearly said _Are we gonna keep doing this?_

“Right, that’s enough,” Kai called as Lloyd climbed to his feet. Jay and Zane disengaged from each other on the second mat, Jay backflipping to get upright.

Lloyd was visibly frustrated—even if the tense posture and the clenched jaw hadn’t given it away, the green sparks flickering around his hands made it obvious.

Kai mentally debated how smart it was to say what he had to next, but he really didn’t have another option. Mentally, he braced himself.

“Lloyd, maybe you should take a break—”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Lloyd snapped, whirling on him. His eyes were burning as angry as they were green—so bright that Kai could almost swear they were glowing.

Kai felt his temper rise, but he clamped down on it. This was his _little brother_.

Even if he wasn’t so little anymore.

“Lloyd—” Kai tried.

“I said I’m _fine_ ,” Lloyd growled. “Let’s keep going.”

Kai bit his lip to keep himself from snapping back.

“Lloyd, you can’t—” Jay tried.

“ _Can’t_ I?” Lloyd said furiously, rounding on him. Jay took a step back. “ _Why not?_ ”

“ _Lloyd!_ ” Kai barked. In the split second before his little brother turned on him, Kai gestured at the others to leave. Zane nodded slightly.

“ _What?_ ” Lloyd snapped. Ribbons of light started forming around his clenched fists.

Kai just looked at him. He kept his expression neutral, his stance open and unguarded as he waited. Lloyd was more or less a time bomb right now, and inciting him was only going to make the fuse burn faster.

Behind Lloyd, Cole, Jay and Zane slipped out of the room.

After a long moment Lloyd shouted, “ _Well?_ ”

Kai kept looking and waiting, biting the inside of his lip. This next bit could either go very good, or very bad. Nya had taught him that the hard way. Thankfully, Lloyd didn’t know Kai’s tricks like Nya had known them by the time she was a teenager.

“This is stupid,” Lloyd finally growled. He turned, stalking towards the door—and tripped on his own feet. Kai winced just as much at the _thud_ his little brother’s impact as the curses Lloyd spewed because of it. Then Lloyd stiffened, and Kai knew that he’d finally noticed the power collecting around his hands.

It was only when Lloyd started to hyperventilate that Kai strode forward. He crouched next to his little brother as Lloyd looked up at him, holding his glowing fists to his chest. His eyes were wide and panicked and a radiant green.

Kai gently reached out, pulling Lloyd into his arms. It was harder than it’d been before, partially because Lloyd was stiff with panic but mostly because Lloyd was so much bigger than he’d been only yesterday, nearly the same size as Kai himself. 

It didn’t matter. Kai still managed to pull his little brother into his lap, holding him close while he hummed a tuneless song. Lloyd buried his face in Kai’s shoulder, his entire body shaking as the light around his hands flared and sputtered.

 _It’s okay,_ Kai wanted to say. _Everything’s gonna be alright_. But he couldn’t say that, because it wasn’t true—Lloyd _wasn’t_ okay. He’d had his childhood stolen from him in half a dozen different ways, he’d been forced through a transformation that no one should _ever_ have had to go through, and the future only held more danger and pain for him.

Destiny commanded it.

So Kai kept humming, holding his little brother even as his panic attack turned into sobs.

*****

Lloyd stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. He’d promised himself that this was going to be the last time, because he seemed to be ending up here a lot. First after finding out he was the green ninja, then his eyes, and now—

Now _this_. 

Everything was so _wrong_. Looked wrong, moved wrong, felt wrong. Even his voice sounded like it belonged to someone else, except it was _his_. The only thing that was familiar were the ruby eyes staring back at him. Kai had said that they were green a lot of the time, now, and Lloyd understood why—his emotions kept overflowing, overpoweringly vivid in a way that Lloyd didn’t understand, which in turn caused him to lose control of his power—it would rise defensively, spilling around his hands. It didn’t matter what the emotion was; angry, sad, panicked, confused—he hadn’t really been happy yet, so he didn’t know about that—everything overwhelmed him, which made trying to adjust to being the wrong age even harder.

Lloyd sighed. He buried his face in his hands, then slid his hands up to card his fingers through his hair. It was longer, now. Somehow that part about aging had surprised him the most—at least, outside of the pain. Aging so fast had hurt like nothing Lloyd could have ever imagined, not just in his body but in his _mind_. It’d almost felt like his thoughts had _melted_ , scalding his brain until they’d twisted into something sharp, something _new_ , the same way his body had but worse. And when the pain had finally faded—it had seemed to last as long as the time Lloyd had skipped—he’d been _different_. Not just his body, but _him_ , the way that he thought and felt—

It’d been terrifying. Lloyd had forced the fear down, focusing on his training, focusing on his _destiny_ , which was supposedly the reason that the fiasco that had caused him to age up had happened in the first place. But then the fear had come back as anger, something Lloyd hadn’t expected. It had overwhelmed him, and next thing he knew he was crying in Kai’s arms again like he was still a child— _FSM, how he wanted to be_ —and had to face the fact that he was still terrified.

Because he had no idea who he was.

“Hey, green bean?”

Lloyd turned, looking at Kai. His older brother— _was he still older? How old am I?_ —was leaning on the doorframe, the casual pose contradicting the concern in his expression.

“So, uh,” Kai cleared his throat. “Zane got the results from the tests.”

Lloyd stared at him, confused. Tests?

After a moment he remembered. Zane had led him to the medbay before letting him go to sleep that first night— _it was only two days ago,_ his mind corrected. Lloyd had still been reeling too much to really register what Zane had done beyond that he’d used the fanciest scanning machines that they had.

“So, physically, you’re about sixteen and a half,” Kai said softly. “Give or take a few months.”

 _Sixteen._ Lloyd closed his eyes, trying to ignore the math that his brain spat at him—he was more than _double_ the age he’d been before. And apparently, that was only physically.

“Mentally,” Kai continued. Then he hesitated. “Well, I didn’t really understand much of what Zane said here, but what I did understand is that your brain-synapse-things, whatever those are called, have been developed to the point that it matches people in their early twenties.”

 _Three times,_ Lloyd’s brain provided. He promptly instructed his own mind to shut up, then wondered if that was a normal thing to do.

Who was he kidding, _nothing_ about him was normal.

“Lloyd?” Kai asked softly.

Lloyd blinked, realizing he’d been staring off into space. He focused on Kai, but his brain wasn’t providing him with anything to say—it was too busy processing, still trying to understand what had happened to him.

Kai stepped forward, pulling Lloyd into a hug. It felt different now that Lloyd was bigger, only a few inches shorter than Kai, but somehow in a good way. Lloyd let himself relax into it, shutting out the churning of his mind.

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” Kai murmured.

The reflexive response of _I’m not a kid_ pressed up Lloyd’s throat, but he swallowed it. It was too accurate, now.

After a long time Kai gently let go of him, stepping back. He rested one hand on Lloyd’s shoulder.

“I don’t know the words for how much this must suck for you,” Kai said, “but remember that you’re not alone, okay? You’ve got us, Cole and Zane and Jay and Nya and me—and sensei—and we are _never_ going to leave you. You’re our little brother.” He gently squeezed Lloyd’s shoulder. “Even if you aren’t quite so little anymore.”

Kai waited until Lloyd had mutely nodded to pull him into another hug, this one quicker. Then he was gone, having briefly apologized that sensei Wu wanted him to run an errand.

Lloyd stared after him for a moment, then turned back to the mirror. His eyes were green again, which surprised him—he hadn’t noticed his power sparking around his hands. When he looked down, though, there was nothing. That confused Lloyd until he realized that his power _was_ there—just underneath the surface. He could feel it in his hands, pooling in his palms and in his fingertips. 

Lloyd curled and flexed his fingers a few times, testing. When nothing bad happened, he closed his eyes, searching the way the others had taught him to, feeling for the power inside of him. It was still centered where it always had been, but now it reached out to fuel his hands. It was defensive, responding to his emotions reflexively. 

Lloyd held his hands out over the sink, cupping them together. He called on the power sitting just below his skin. A bright green flame flickered to life, hovering over Lloyd’s cupped hands like he was holding a giant, invisible candle. Lloyd could feel the heat coming from it, but it was minimal—most of the heat was going up.

A thought, and fire twisted into ice. The flurry of tiny snowflakes looked like a cloud of emerald sand, the cold radiating from them the only indication of their true nature. Another thought, and they shifted into actual sand, falling to form a perfect pile in Lloyd’s hands. 

The last element was lightning. This one was more familiar, the most similar to the green power’s true nature as pure energy. For this one Lloyd pulled his hands apart, twisting the sand into lightning at the same instant. It jumped back and forth between his hands in a dozen emerald bolts, and even between individual fingers when Lloyd spread them apart.

Satisfied, Lloyd dismissed his power. The green vanished into his hands, but it didn’t recede past there—Lloyd was still upset, as numb as he currently was to it, and his power was still responding.

Lloyd looked back up at the mirror. Green eyes met him, as did messy white-blonde hair and a face that was defined by angles that hadn’t been visible a few days ago. 

Everything Lloyd currently knew about himself—everything Lloyd knew about his _current_ self wasn’t very much. He knew that his emotions—especially frustration—got the best of him if he wasn’t careful to keep them in check. He knew that he wasn’t actually the age he looked, no matter what angle you looked at it. He knew that the things he’d enjoyed when he’d been younger seemed ridiculously childish now. He knew that Kai and the others were his family, and that he’d do anything for them. But beyond that . . .

Lloyd looked down at his hands again. He was the Green Ninja. The power waiting at the ready underneath his skin proved that. And . . . he knew who the Green Ninja was supposed to be. A warrior, first and foremost, one strong enough to defeat the Dark Lord identified in the prophecy. A leader, too. Someone who dedicated themself fully to protecting Ninjago.

So, that was who Lloyd was going to be.


	5. Ready

Kai was worried about Lloyd. Of course, that had pretty much been a constant since the Tomorrow Tea incident, but now Kai was so worried that he was starting to feel sick. Well, part of that might be seasickness—Kai had never really responded to the water well, which probably had something to do with the fact that he was the master of fire—but either way, Kai was worried.

Everything had happened so _fast_. It’d been barely four months since they’d found out that Lloyd was the Green Ninja, and now they were on their way to the Dark Island. Kai had thought that they would have _years_ before the final battle—after all, destiny wouldn’t pit a _seven-year-old_ against the Ultimate Evil, right? But then the Tomorrow Tea incident had happened, which had been something of a traumatizing awakening for all of them. It had clarified that they had no idea how much time they actually had, and that they needed to be ready—which Lloyd had clearly taken to heart. He’d thrown himself into training, all day, every day. Kai couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his little brother do anything else.

Currently, Kai was leaning in the doorway that led out to the _Bounty_ ’s deck. It was almost three in the morning. The sea and sky around them were as dark as ink—somehow, the stars had been blotted out.

And Lloyd was training. He’d activated the deck’s training course, and from what Kai could tell he’d turned it up to the hardest setting. If it’d been anyone else, Kai would have been worried for their limbs, but Kai was more worried for Lloyd in general.

Kai watched Lloyd for almost fifteen minutes, during which time Lloyd successfully completed the course twelve times, got smacked on the head twice, and apparently didn’t notice that Kai was watching him even though he was standing in a back-lit doorway.

Lloyd was halfway through his thirteenth run-through when the course glitched. Kai darted forward and snatched the stray dagger out of the air half a second before it plunged into Lloyd’s back—and slammed into Lloyd, unable to stop his own momentum. Lloyd yelped in surprise as they tumbled through the course—Kai shoved Lloyd’s head down to keep him from being decapitated by a scimitar, then twisted, chucking the dagger at the emergency off button. It hit dead-center, and the course started to slow.

“What was _that_ for?” Lloyd sputtered, shoving Kai off of him. He rolled to his feet, ducking slightly as a blade lazily swung over his head.

Kai rolled his eyes. “I was keeping _that_ from making a home between your ribs,” he said as he stood, pointing at the dagger that now lay halfway across the deck.

Lloyd glanced at the dagger, paling visibly even in the dim light. “Oh.”

“‘Oh’ indeed,” Kai said wryly. Annoyance flashed across Lloyd’s face, and Kai sighed. “What are you even doing up so late, kiddo?”

Lloyd looked down, his arms crossing over his chest as he resolutely avoided Kai’s gaze.

Kai sighed. Seriously? “I’m not mad, kiddo,” he said softly. “Just worried.” Actually, _worried_ was an understatement at this point.

“I have to be ready,” Lloyd said, not looking up.

Kai sighed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot, but what else could he do? Destiny itself had put the world on his little brother’s shoulders, and as much as Kai wanted to take that burden from him, he couldn’t. 

“Training at three in the morning isn’t going to help you be any more ready,” Kai gently countered. “You need sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” Lloyd muttered.

That took Kai by surprise. None of them had gotten any sleep the night before—they’d been too busy prying starteeth off the _Bounty_ and bailing water from the lower rooms, and after that there’d been the excitement about Zane’s dad that hadn’t really calmed down until the sun had set. Kai knew for certain that Lloyd hadn’t gotten any sleep since then—a consequence of sharing a bedroom with him—which meant that Lloyd hadn’t slept for nearly _forty-eight hours_. By all accounts, he should be dead on his feet.

And he _definitely_ shouldn’t be able to run the training course on the hardest level a dozen times with near-perfection.

Kai bit his lip, but before he could even begin to decipher how Lloyd was still up and running the subject in question walked past Kai, making his way to the training course’s control panel. He snagged the dagger on the way, briefly examining it before setting it on top of the control panel.

“Go back to bed, Kai,” Lloyd said, still facing away. 

Kai scoffed. Like he would go back to bed when something was obviously wrong.

Kai had just opened his mouth to say as much when Lloyd turned, looking over his shoulder. “Go back to bed,” he said firmly. His expression was stern, commanding—it was his Leader expression, the one that had been showing up more and more often in the past months. And all at once, Kai was reminded that his little brother wasn’t a kid anymore.

Kai’s stomach twisted unpleasantly.

After a moment, Lloyd’s face softened. “I’m _fine_ , Kai,” he said, his tone gentler.

 _Liar_ , Kai wanted to retort, but he bit it back. As much as he hated it, as much as he wished that it was any other way, Lloyd was—for all intents and purposes—an adult now. An adult who held the fate of the world in his hands, and was already developing the skills he needed to ensure the correct outcome. Kai couldn’t treat him like the kid he’d been just months ago, as much as he wanted to hold him and shield him from all of the evils of the world. And ultimately, it wasn’t his place to control Lloyd. It wasn’t _anyone’s_.

“Fine,” Kai begrudgingly said. “Just . . . make sure that you get at least _some_ sleep, okay?”

For a long moment Lloyd just looked at him, his emerald eyes unreadable. Then he turned away. “Alright.”

Kai let out his breath. At this point, that was the best he was going to get.

Kai carefully extracted himself from the training course, making his way back inside. He paused at the door, looking back at his little brother. Lloyd was staring down at the dagger, as still as if he’d been frozen in time.

*****

Lloyd’s mind was running too fast for him to make much sense of his own thoughts. The dagger—Kai—the Dark Island—the leviathan—if Kai hadn’t—

Lloyd growled in frustration. He blasted the dagger with his power—it went flying, disappearing over the side of the _Bounty_.

 _Idiot._ He was so _stupid_ —he’d almost gotten himself killed _training_. If Kai hadn’t been watching—Lloyd hadn’t even noticed him, _or_ the dagger, _how_ had he not noticed—he’d be _dead_ —

A sob forced its way up his throat, but Lloyd shoved a fist into his mouth, stopping it from coming out. He was the _Green Ninja_. He had to be strong—he couldn’t cry.

He also had to be ready. There were only days left until the Final Battle, if that, and even though he could easily beat each of his brothers in combat now—even all of them at once—he still wasn’t good enough. He’d still needed Kai’s protection, he’d still been _helpless_ when the leviathan had threatened them earlier today. Which was why he was still training—which was why he was using his power on _himself_ , giving his body enough energy to run on. Admittedly, it felt strange, spreading through his body in the same way that it usually pooled in his hands, but it _worked_. He hadn’t been lying to Kai; he didn’t even feel tired.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t use the course anymore since Kai had hit the emergency stop. Jay had built a failsafe into that button that meant that only he would be able to get it to start moving again, and he wouldn’t do that until he’d fixed whatever problem had almost just killed Lloyd—and grandfather knew that they weren’t going to have time for that.

Lloyd pressed the only button that wasn’t deactivated, sending the training course back into the deck. Then he considered his options, scanning the deck.

After a moment an idea popped into his head, and he looked up at the rigging.

That would work.

Lloyd jogged to the side of the _Bounty_ , then started scaling the rigging. He was already devising a training route when he wondered what time it was. It had to be late.

Lloyd shook the thought away. He’d sleep later. He was the Green Ninja—he needed to be ready.


	6. Gold

Kai really, _really_ wanted to slam his head into the wall. To say that he massively regretted letting his brothers talk him into working as a freaking _teacher_ was an understatement. He’d never really even gone to school himself, and yet he was supposed to _teach_ a bunch of whiny, disobedient children a subject that he didn’t understand in the slightest.

A _brilliant_ idea, Sensei.

Kai chucked his grading pen across the room. The slight tinkle it made as it fell to the floor was less than satisfying, and Kai growled. 

Right. He needed to take a break, or else he would _definitely_ end up setting his students’ papers on fire—even without his elemental power.

Kai made his way to the faculty lounge, collapsing on the armchair that was in front of the school’s pitiful excuse for a tv. He flicked through various channels, searching for something that didn’t make his head hurt any more than it already did—soap opera, no thank you; some sort of mushy chick flick; a dramedy about high school— _definitely_ not; some sort of game show; and—

The news, featuring the Golden Ninja. 

Kai stared for a while. It’d been _months_ since he’d seen his little brother—in fact, it’d been longer since Kai had seen him than the actual amount of time he’d spent with him between the fiasco with the serpentine and the final battle.

Kai swallowed dryly, his chest tight. FSM, he missed that kid.

At least Lloyd seemed okay. Exhausted, a fair amount of the time—after all, he _was_ going around the entirety of Ninjago and purifying any remaining trace of the Overlord all by himself—but okay. Kai could tell that he still didn’t quite know how to deal with the swarms of attention from the various clips, but he still handled the various reporters and fans a thousand times better than Kai would have been able to, with even words and a smile that almost seemed genuine— _almost_ being the key word. Kai knew him well enough to see past the act. 

It was also really weird, seeing his little brother in gold. It didn’t match his skin tone very well, but it was easy to miss that because of how much attention the color drew to his eyes—because his eyes _matched_. They were bright and golden and actually _glowed_ , as everyone had discovered during those initial nights after the final battle. Sensei had said that it was understandable, something about how Lloyd had so much power now that it was continually active, changing his eye color the same way his green power had. The explanation had satisfied everyone else, but it’d left Kai wondering.

If having his green power active had been necessary for Lloyd’s eyes to be green, how had they been green so often? Kai only remembered last seeing his ruby eyes over a month before the final battle. And using his power constantly like that—sure, he could understand with the golden power, but Kai _knew_ that that wasn’t how Lloyd’s green power was meant to work. But no matter how much he thought about it, Kai couldn’t figure out what—well, whatever it was he was trying to figure out. He just had this gut instinct that something was wrong, as well as the feeling that the answer was staring him in the face.

Kai watched the last few clips of his little brother, then the news people moved onto a different topic. It was some sort of sports thing, Kai thought, which meant that he couldn’t care less.

Kai turned off the tv, rubbing his forehead as he stood. He could feel a migraine starting to form, which was about the opposite of what he had wanted to happen.

As he started searching through the cupboards for some painkillers, his mind wandered back to Lloyd. The kid was only—well, he was still a _kid_ , savior of the world or not. And yet he was out there handling the responsibilities of an adult, _alone_. 

Kai found the painkillers behind the spam—really, Cole?—and took a couple dry. Then he dug out his phone from his pocket.

**How’s my favorite little brother?**

Kai hadn’t expected Lloyd to respond anytime soon—he was usually busy—so he was mildly surprised when his phone buzzed only seconds later.

**I’m your only little brother**

Kai smiled.

**Doesn’t mean you’re not my favorite, not to mention the best little brother in the world.**

**Debatable**

**You *saved* the world, green bean. I think that kind of tops everything else.**

**So everyone keeps telling me**

Kai frowned. That . . . didn’t sound very good.

**What’s wrong?**

**Nothing**

**I’m fine**

**Lloyd...**

**I swear I’m fine, Kai**

**I’m just stresed**

***stressed**

**...If you say so.**

Kai paused, thinking. Then he typed out,

**The new Starfarer comic comes out tomorrow**

It took a moment for Lloyd to respond. But when he did, Kai’s heart sank.

**Jay must be excited.**

Kai pressed his lips together.

**You’re allowed to have interests too, you know.**

**I know that**

**And I do**

**Just not that anymore**

There was a pause. Then,

**Comics are for kids**

Kai raised an eyebrow.

**Jay’s older than you.**

**Jay’s a manchild**

Kai snorted.

**Still doesn’t mean you can’t like it too.**

There was another pause before a short text returned.

**Gtg**

Kai sighed. He typed out one last text, though he wasn’t sure if Lloyd would actually see it.

**Take care of yourself. Love you forever, little bro.**

There wasn’t a response.

Kai turned off his phone, slipping it back into his pocket. He rolled his head, grimacing at the building pain—the painkillers hadn’t kicked in yet.

“Kai!”

Kai flinched, cursing as he spun.

“Oh, sorry,” Jay said. He was leaning through the doorway, much the same way people would stick their heads around a corner in cartoons. “I need your help.”

Kai groaned. “For the last time, Jay—”

“No, it’s not about that. It’s something else, and Zane’s gone.”

Kai froze. “Jay,” he said warningly.

Jay barreled on. “Do you know what to do if, hypothetically, someone accidentally sets a taxidermied deer head on fire using electricity?”

“Wha— _Jay!_ ”

“I said _hypothetically!_ ”

The fire alarm started screeching, which made pain burst through Kai’s head.

“ _That doesn’t sound_ _hypothetical!_ ”

*****

Lloyd gave up. He rolled onto his back, shoving the blanket off as he opened his eyes. As always, the room he was staying in was lit with a dull, golden glow—a glow coming from _him_ , from his eyes and even from his skin, and one that he really wished he could shut off. Actually, he really wished he could just turn off his power completely. Being filled with raw creational energy wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing in the world. It wasn’t _bad_ , either—as a matter of fact, the energy swirling inside of him was usually pretty comforting. It was natural, it _belonged_ there—it was what he’d been born for. But sometimes, the power worked against him—like when he was trying to sleep, for instance. Whenever he tried to rest the energy would build inside of him, urging him to do something, to create something, or at the very least to _move_ —anything but lie in bed and try to shut his brain off. Lloyd had taken sleeping pills, at first, but he’d started burning through them so quickly that they were basically worthless. It wasn’t like he actually needed sleep, anyways—at least not physically. The golden power was more than enough to keep his body up and running. No, the reason he still occasionally tried to sleep was so he could have a break from his own thoughts for at least _ten minutes_ —

There was a loud _crack_. Lloyd sighed, turning to see that the decorational mirror across from the bed had broken into a few dozen pieces. They were all still in the frame though, which was somewhat impressive—it was shattered into pieces, but still holding itself together.

 _Like me,_ Lloyd’s mind whispered. Instantly, Lloyd clamped down on the thought, rolling away from the mirror. He was _fine_. He was healthy, he was safe, he was—well, not exactly happy, but he would be once he finished this up and got back to his family. His life was great! It was a thousand times better than he could’ve ever dreamed when he was younger.

. . . ‘When he was younger’ was only a year ago.

Nope, not thinking about that. Lloyd buried his face in one of the pillows. He wasn’t going to think about how he was older than he should be, or about the fact that he currently had the power of a god—which he could barely control—or that he’d nearly _died_ —

Nope, nope, nope, _not_ thinking about that, not again—

He wasn’t—he couldn’t _breathe_ —he’d almost _died_ —why—his chest was so tight—he needed to—why was it _him_ —to calm—

 _Kai!_ Lloyd cried out, but it was silent because he couldn’t control his own lungs, he was breathing too fast, and Kai wasn’t here anyways—

Lloyd fumbled for his phone—it was the closest distraction he had. He messed up the password the first time, which _didn’t_ help, but the second time worked and he stared at the apps, trying to figure out which one would pull him away from the storm inside his head.

He had an unread text. Lloyd opened the app—it was from Kai.

**Take care of yourself. Love you forever, little bro.**

Lloyd reread the message three, four, seven times, focusing on the words and forcing his breathing to slow. He had Kai. Kai was looking out for him, even from halfway across the world. They were all alive, they were safe, Lloyd and his _family_ was safe—

Lloyd didn’t feel safe, though, because his siblings weren’t here, and even if they were they couldn’t protect him from _himself_ —

No, Kai was here. It was digital, but in a way, he was here. His big brother was looking out for him.

Lloyd took a deep breath. It was shakier than he’d meant it to be, but he was able to complete it, so he saw it as a success.

Once he’d gotten himself back under control, Lloyd scanned the room. There wasn’t any damage outside of the mirror, which was good. It meant that he was getting better at holding his power inside of him when he was upset, keeping the storm from bursting out. He hadn’t even noticed any fluctuations in his power, this time, which was actually really good. Now that he was paying attention he did realize that his body hurt like he’d been hit by a bus, but the golden power was still completely inside of him, settled back into its usual swirling. 

Exhaustion swept over him, and Lloyd let wonderful sleep take him.


	7. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Mild descriptions of alcohol abuse, mild descriptions intense arguments, slight domestic violence (the only actual injury was an accident)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh so I didn’t plan to write any of this, but it happened  
> :/  
> Also let me know if anything is too confusing, this was somewhat difficult to write.

Kai was staring into space. He knew he was, but he didn’t bother to shake himself out of it—it hurt less, aiding the numbness that had taken over his body.

Zane was _gone_.

And almost as if to add insult to injury, Lloyd wasn’t doing well either. As soon as they’d confirmed that the Overlord was truly, really gone—that Zane had succeeded—his little brother had collapsed. Apparently the loss of the golden power had hit him harder than they’d thought it had, or the Overlord had done something to him when Lloyd was his prisoner—either way, only a mixture of determination and adrenaline had kept Lloyd running, and once those had dissipated the consequences had hit him full-on. 

They’d gotten him to a hospital just as his heart had stopped. 

Thankfully, the doctors were able to get it started again, but those fifty-two seconds in between were the worst of Kai’s life—tje feeling that he had lost not just one but _two_ of his brothers.

Which was why Kai was now curled on an uncomfortable chair next to Lloyd’s hospital bed, staring at nothing as he absently listened to Lloyd’s heart monitor beep. The others rotated in throughout the days, but Kai had refused to leave Lloyd’s side—he wasn’t going to take the chance that Lloyd would wake up alone, and he had zero desire to help plan Zane’s memorial. It wasn’t that he didn’t—that he _hadn’t_ loved his nindroid brother. It was just that a memorial seemed so shallow, so superficial compared to what Zane had meant to him. What he’d meant to _all_ of them.

Kai was jolted out of his staring into nowhere by a nurse coming into the room. She checked on Lloyd, scribbled something on a clipboard, left. Kai blinked after her for a moment, then turned his attention to his little brother.

Lloyd just looked . . . _wrong_. He was too still, both in general and for him—he was supposed to be up and moving, training or setting up pranks or doing _something_. Anything but just lay there, his skin too pale and hooked to way more machines than Kai knew Lloyd would ever be comfortable with.

At least—according to the doctors—he was recovering. Rather quickly too, apparently.

It still felt like an eternity. The only reason Kai actually believed the doctors was because he could feel his own element inside of him slowly regaining strength alongside Lloyd. It had been somewhat startling, having it cut out half a moment before Lloyd collapsed—after all, Kai had _just_ gotten it back—and once Lloyd had been stabilized, Sensei and Misako had explained that their elements were connected to him, now. Kai wasn’t happy about that purely because of the additional responsibility it put on Lloyd’s head. The kid was already dealing with too much.

At this point, they all were.

And honestly, Kai was scared. He’d already noticed the cracks that had started forming between him and the others—snappy comments and jokes that bit a little bit too much were becoming more frequent with each day, and he could practically _see_ the tension building. If he hadn’t been so focused on Lloyd, Kai knew that he would’ve been right in the middle of it, which would’ve only made things even worse.

Part of them had been taken, and now the rest of them were starting to crack.

The beeping that matched Lloyd’s heart rate doubled. Kai stiffened, already reaching for the button to call the nurse—but then Lloyd was shooting upright, gasping for air. After a startled moment Lloyd started panicking, thrashing against the tubes and wires.

Kai sprung onto the side of the bed, pulling Lloyd into his arms. Lloyd struggled for a moment before he seemed to realize who Kai was, slumping against him.

“Hey there, kiddo,” Kai greeted softly.

Lloyd grunted, pressing his face against Kai’s chest. Kai hummed under his breath, carefully checking that none of the wires or tubes had detached from Lloyd as best he could.

After a long time, Lloyd asked, “Where are the others? Are they okay?” His voice was so hoarse it was almost unintelligible.

Kai smiled slightly. Trust Lloyd to think of others when he was the one in the hospital. But then Kai remembered what the others were doing, which reminded him—

“Everyone’s healthy,” Kai answered softly. “They’re—” The words caught in his throat. “They—” FSM, he couldn’t say it. Long overdue tears started stinging his eyes.

In a voice so small that he sounded like a child again, Lloyd asked, “What about Zane?”

Kai just held Lloyd tighter. Lloyd sucked in a sharp gasp, then let the air out in a single, shuddering sob, pressing closer to Kai.

They stayed there like that for a long time, Kai blinking back tears as a hollow, painful ache grew in his chest. Lloyd seemed to be following one of Sensei’s breathing exercises, the occasional hitch the only indication that he was upset.

Eventually a doctor came in, requesting to examine Lloyd. Begrudgingly, Kai pulled away, his heart stinging slightly as he watched Lloyd shift from his little brother to his leader, answering the doctor’s questions without a single waver in his voice.

Kai started when a hand fell on his shoulder. He twisted, reflexes on high alert, but it was just Nya. She was looking down at him with concern, not quite managing to disguise the grief in her eyes.

“You should get some rest,” she said softly.

Kai reflexively went to protest, but Nya squeezed his shoulder, cutting him off.

“Lloyd’s awake now, and it’s been _days_ , Kai. You need to rest somewhere other than in a hospital chair.”

She was right. Kai pushed himself to his feet, not in the least surprised when he swayed slightly. When Lloyd glanced at him questioningly—Kai noted that his eyes were green again—he sent him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. It didn’t really feel like one.

Kai left, passing the responsibility of looking out for his little brother to Nya for the time being. He barely registered the hallways of the hospital, using the little signs to find his way out numbly. His mind was blank, which only made the grief in his chest even sharper—it was still growing, pulsing in the way that only loss could cause. He’d felt this before—it’d first taken up residence in his chest when he’d realized that his parents weren’t coming back. It had stayed with him throughout the years, but as time dulled his childhood memories it had faded, and he’d buried what was left by focusing on Nya and employing his temper. Later, it had dimmed even further—because he’d gained a family, and they’d smoothed the pain away.

But now a key part of that family was gone, leaving a ragged hole that couldn’t be patched—and the rest of his family was starting to fall apart.

It hurt a hundred times worse than losing his parents.

By the time Kai got outside, it hurt to breathe. He folded his arms, leaning against the side of the building as he forced air past the lump in his throat. Tendrils of hollow pain gripped his lungs and crushed his heart, radiating out through the rest of his body.

What was he supposed to do now?

After a few minutes, nausea joined the pain. Kai couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten, so he focused on that. He knew he was in a sorry state, so he passed up the typical places he’d eat at in favor of somewhere a little less judgmental—a grill and bar combo that he didn’t note the name of. Not wanting to draw any attention, he slipped onto the seat at the far end of the bar, grateful that he’d changed into casuals at some point after the battle.

Kai ordered—what, he didn’t really pay attention to, it was just the first dinner combo on the menu—and was staring blankly at the scratches on the wooden surface of the bar when someone sat down next to him.

“Lose someone?”

Kai looked up, startled. The man who had spoken wasn’t the type Kai typically associated with bars—he looked like a lawyer, expensive watch and all.

“Yeah,” Kai rasped out before he could think about it. “How did you . . .”

Lawyer-guy smiled sadly. “I see the look you’ve got a lot. Kind of an occupational hazard, being a probate lawyer.” At Kai’s blank look he clarified, “I handle peoples’ wills. And honestly, it wasn’t that hard to guess, based on the last few weeks—there were a lot of people who lost someone to those murder bots.”

“Nindroids,” Kai corrected automatically.

Lawyer-guy studied him. “How do you . . . hang on, you’re one of _them_ , aren’t you?” He said it softly, almost reverently.

Kai didn’t need him to clarify which _them_ he meant. He dropped his gaze back to the bar, pain twisting in his chest.

“I’m so sorry,” lawyer-guy said. “And . . . thank you. For everything.”

Kai didn’t respond.

A waitress brought out Kai’s food, and he forced himself to start eating. 

It didn’t taste like anything, ashes in his mouth.

“I . . .” Lawyer-guy shifted, then called over the bartender. Kai didn’t really pay attention.

When a glass was set next to his plate, Kai barely registered it. He swallowed his food and took a drink out of habit—and sputtered when the liquid burned his throat. Thankfully, he’d already swallowed most of it, so doing so didn’t make a mess.

“What in the—”

“It’s on me,” lawyer-guy said. “It’s the least I can do.”

Kai stared down at the glass. The liquid was amber and bitter-smelling, obviously alcohol, but he didn’t have the slightest clue as to which one—he’d stayed far away from the stuff, not caring to risk Nya’s well-being, or later, to have it interfere with his ninja duties. Not to mention that he’d only turned twenty-one a few months ago.

Kai moved to push the glass away, but a sudden blossoming of warmth in his chest stopped him. It felt . . . _really good_ , actually. It dulled the pain, filling the hole that had been eating him from the inside.

Kai tried to push the glass away again, but to his own surprise his hand wrapped around it instead. Because . . . he wanted more. He wanted more of the warmth to make the pain go away.

He shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t. It wasn’t healthy.

But . . . maybe just this once.

*****

It’d been a month since they’d lost—since the Overlord had been destroyed, and Lloyd had spaced out over half of it. Granted, he’d been unconscious for nearly the first week, but the days since then had seemed more than long enough to make up for it. Part of it was because of how awful Lloyd felt. Medically, he was completely recovered, but medics didn’t account for the way that he’d been ripped apart. The golden power hadn’t just been something he’d wielded—it’d been a _part_ of him, just as prominent as his thoughts or emotions and responding reflexively to everything he did. And now that was gone, leaving him achingly empty. His green power tried to make up for it, blossoming inside of him to try to fill the empty space, but it didn’t really work. It was too different; if the golden power had been the sun, then his green power was a set of floodlights—effective, but not as powerful, and definitely not the same.

The worst part was that it still _hurt_. Not in the way that it had at first—like every part of his body had been repeatedly stabbed—but in a cramping, aching way that almost seemed to buzz. Almost as if it was both still there and wasn’t. Lloyd could only guess that it was some sort of phantom pain, like amputees had after losing a limb.

He’d gone to ask Zane if he knew anything about it before he realized that he couldn’t. And that, there, was the other reason why the days felt longer than they were.

Because the loss of Zane was tearing the rest of his family apart.

He’d barely noticed, at first—the memorial had been beautiful, and he and his siblings had more or less clung to each other for support. After that, it’d just felt like everyone was on edge, walking on eggshells and dancing around the fact that Zane was gone in their conversations because it hurt too much. But one badly worded comment had sparked into a full-on shouting match that Lloyd could hear from the other side of the building, and it had resulted in his siblings storming off in different directions. Lloyd had thought that they’d make up, that they’d go back to supporting each other.

He’d been wrong.

It’d just gotten worse. So, so much worse. The fighting had happened more and more until almost every conversation turned into an argument, those involved disappearing for hours on end afterwards. Lloyd had tried to be a mediator, once or twice, but that had only turned his sibling’s fury on him. Kai had come and comforted him after those instances, repeatedly assuring Lloyd that he’d done nothing wrong—that everyone was angry because they were all hurting, and that anger felt better than pain. Lloyd trusted Kai—the resident hothead—to know, as he wouldn’t know himself. The hollow ache that filled his body because of the loss of the golden power somewhat overrode the grief—not that Lloyd didn’t miss Zane. He did a lot. But the physical pain kept him from focusing on his emotional pain, more often resulting in him staring blankly into space for hours on end than anything else. 

If he wasn’t spaced out, he was usually training—it was the only thing he could really focus on for any solid amount of time, the overwhelmingly tactile nature of it keeping him grounded. One of siblings would join him sometimes, and occasionally they’d coax him into doing other things with them for as long as he could manage it. He’d been getting better, the amount of time he could focus steadily getting longer, and he’d been looking forward to the camping trip that had been tentatively planned in the spaces between fights.

Then the teetering tower had come crashing down.

It’d started after Kai and Nya had had a particularly bad fight, both siblings’ temper reaching their limit. Jay and Cole had tried to mediate but had only ended up joining in, which had made everything worse. Lloyd hadn’t been fully grounded, watching absently from his seat across the room—it’d almost like he’d been watching them through a long tunnel, or that it’d been some sort of nightmare he was having. He’d just sat there until everyone had stormed off in their different directions, Jay pausing to gently shake him back into reality before disappearing into his workshop.

Lloyd had spent the rest of the day training, trying to ground himself, but it’d had the opposite effect than he’d intended—by sundown, Lloyd was so exhausted that he could barely keep himself from spacing out entirely.

And then Kai had come home drunk.

Compared to what _could_ have happened, it hadn’t been the absolute worst—but it had still been pretty bad. Lloyd had heard Nya’s outraged shrieking and had gone to investigate, only halfway present in reality.

What he’d found was all of his siblings yelling at each other. Kai was shouting slurred words at Nya and aiming sloppy punches at Jay and Cole. Nya was shouting back, furious, and Jay and Cole were shouting as they tried to restrain Kai—except Kai kept summoning bursts of fire around his arms, forcing them to keep their distance.

Lloyd had just stared, only slightly less out of it than he’d been that morning. 

Surprisingly, Kai was the one to end the argument, suddenly turning and storming out of the room—except Lloyd was in his way, and as out of it as he was he didn’t think to move. Kai knocked into him as he staggered past, sending Lloyd stumbling backwards—and he tripped, his face slamming into the edge of the little table near the door as he fell. There hadn’t been much blood, but there had _definitely_ been a mark—one that smarted insistently any time Lloyd moved his face.

The next day, Jay moved out. 

He hadn’t said that he was going or said goodbye—he was just gone, Nya flatly informing them when Cole asked where he was at dinner. Then she’d added that she was going to be moving out the next morning.

Which she did.

Cole left only a few days after that.

Kai stuck around the longest, but it was uncomfortable—he’d started keeping his distance from Lloyd, never being in the same room as him alone for longer than necessary. It had hurt, almost as much as the others moving out had.

Then Kai had left, too. He left a note behind explaining that he was still protecting Lloyd—that right now, _Kai_ was the one that Lloyd needed protecting from.

Apparently Kai had gotten addicted, getting drunk almost every night. He didn’t trust himself around Lloyd—not after what had happened.

Lloyd had never even blamed him—it was just a bruise, it wasn’t like it’d been intentional.

The worst part about it all was that Lloyd didn’t understand how it had all _happened_. It just felt like everything had suddenly gone wrong, like some sort of twisted jack in the box. He’d been spaced out so much that he hadn’t put any of it together like any normal person would have until after they were gone.

Mom, Dad, and Uncle Wu were too distant—or busy—to notice what had happened, somehow. Dad had come into the kitchen a few days after everyone was gone, asking where Cole was.

Lloyd couldn’t find the words to tell him.

Since then, Lloyd had worked on getting his head back in reality, on ignoring the painful emptiness inside of him. He threw himself back into training, because that’s what worked.

Even if it was a lot harder alone.

And if Lloyd went to bed every night wanting to cry, he’d never admit it.

Not even to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t intending to go into Kai’s alcoholism, but it’s what happened as I wrote and I decided to keep it as there wasn’t really any other way to explain why Kai would abandon Lloyd. Even if he was angry with everyone else, he wouldn’t leave his little brother (even in canon he was shown to be more angry with the others and himself than with Lloyd), and this is the explanation my brain came up with.
> 
> Don’t worry, things will get better/fluffier/lighter again in the next chapter.


	8. Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is slightly disjointed

Kai stared after Lloyd for several moments once his green jacket had slipped out of sight. A roar came up from the crowd behind him—another battle in the pit had just finished—but Kai barely noticed. He was too busy thinking, going over the conversation he’d just had with his little brother in his mind.

He hadn’t meant to snap at him. That’s what stood out the most, initially, a mixture of regret and shame turning his mouth sour. It’d just come out—Kai had fought four different matches today, and even though the last one had been pathetically easy, he was exhausted. Not to mention that Lloyd had popped out of nowhere, which Kai hadn’t been expecting.

Or had been prepared for.

Kai took another sip of his juice—it _was_ just juice, some sort of pineapple mango concoction that seemed a little out of place on the bar’s menu. It was the only non-alcoholic drink the bar served that was worth his money, which meant that he’d had _way_ too many of them over the past couple of weeks. Honestly, he was getting sick of them.

Kai bitterly smirked to himself. Another price of staying sober.

He wasn’t sure if he should be proud of himself or not for managing to get himself out of the rut he’d fallen into—that he’d gotten himself help, that he was doing better. He supposed that he should, but mostly he was just ashamed—ashamed that he’d gotten himself addicted in the first place, ashamed that he didn’t do anything about it for almost six months, ashamed that it had taken months of counselling and near-weekly relapses before he’d finally managed to stay sober for any decent amount of time.

He was supposed to be better than this.

_When are you gonna start thinking of someone other than yourself?_

Kai flinched as Lloyd’s words echoed through his mind. They stung, not only because in some ways, they were accurate—he knew he could be self-centered—but also because in other ways they were completely wrong. So many of the things that he’d done over the past few years—at least when he was actually doing anything worthwhile—had been for Lloyd. True, if someone looked at it from a certain angle it could seem like he was just doing his duty as a ninja to protect the world, but that had never been what Kai had cared about— _all_ of it had been for his little brother, first and always, second for the rest of his family. Saving the world had just been a byproduct of that. Kai had even left for Lloyd, promising himself that he’d be back by his little brother’s side as soon as he wasn’t a danger anymore.

Which was why Kai hadn’t been prepared for Lloyd to pop up out of nowhere, because Kai wasn’t sure he was at that status yet. The mixture of emotions that had flooded through him had been overwhelming—shame, relief, anxiety, love—and then Lloyd was gone as quickly as he had appeared, leaving Kai reeling.

What did he do now?

Kai slipped one of his hands into his jacket pocket, fingering the set of sobriety chips inside. There weren’t many—he’d just gotten his ten weeks chip a few days ago. Which was part of the issue. He’d told himself that he’d consider going back when he reached three months. He’d started preparing, but he hadn’t completely committed to it yet because he’d needed to prove to himself that he could handle it—which was why he was here, “working” in a bar. His sobriety counselor said that he was playing with fire—and that he was absolutely nuts. She wasn’t wrong, but Kai _was_ the Master of Fire. He needed to be able to handle the heat. And so far—somehow—he’d been able to.

Kai closed his eyes, replaying Lloyd’s invitation in his mind.

Was he ready?

Kai went over everything again, searching.

And he decided that he was. He’d still struggle—he wasn’t the same as he’d been before, and probably never would be—but he was ready to be a part of his little brother’s life again.

He was going to be there for him.

And as Kai stood, leaving his cup at the bar, he realized that Lloyd was going to be there for _him_ , too—he already had been. After all, Lloyd had never gotten close enough to see what was in his cup.

*****

Lloyd stared up at the ceiling, mind whirling with everything that had happened over the past six hours. First he’d finally managed to get his brothers back together—Nya had returned to the monetary a few months back—and then they’d found out that Zane was _alive_ , and now they were on an private island participating in a tournament run by a mentally unstable, evil noodle baron.

He’d laugh if the consequences weren’t so serious.

“Lloyd?”

Lloyd started, darting off the bed and falling into a defensive stance before he registered who the voice belonged to. “Kai?”

Kai smiled, but it didn't quite reach past the exhaustion in his eyes. His gi was slightly rumpled in traditional Kai fashion, the red standing out against the green of the room, and Kai was hugging his arms like he was cold.

No, not cold. Guilty.

They stared at each other for a moment, and then the next thing Lloyd knew he was in Kai’s arms, burying his face in his big brother’s shoulder as he hugged him like it was the last time he’d ever be able to. His eyes stung, so many emotions swelling in his chest—grief, love, relief, hope—that he had to clamp down on his power as his it flared.

They stayed there like that for a while.

“I’m sorry,” Kai murmured. His voice was thick with regret and shame, so Lloyd hugged him tighter.

“You came back,” Lloyd countered quietly, and by grandfather he hadn’t meant to sound quite that emotional, but he couldn’t help it. Because Kai had _come back_ —sure, not until Lloyd had gone and invited him, but even before that Kai had been _working_ on being able to come back. With the exception of Nya, who had moved back in to use the workshop, the others had been completely resistant to the idea, something that had made Lloyd hurt more than he’d like to admit. But Kai had put in a lot of effort so that he could come back—to be with _him_. 

No one had ever come back for Lloyd before.

“You came back,” Lloyd repeated thickly, his eyes burning.

“Of course,” Kai replied, his voice just as choked. “I’d never abandon my little brother. I’m just—I’m sorry it took me so long.”

Kai hugged Lloyd tighter and Lloyd practically melted into it, blinking back tears—it was warm and safe and _home_ , things that he hadn’t felt in so long. His big brother was back.

Eventually they begrudgingly pulled apart. 

Kai studied Lloyd, looking him up and down. He squinted. “Have you gotten taller?”

Lloyd blinked. Had he? He and Kai hadn’t been too far off in height before, but the gap might’ve closed some. “Uh . . . maybe?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I haven’t really paid attention.”

“You _have_ ,” Kai said decisively. “Well, you’d better stop growing soon, green bean, ‘cause the others would never let me hear the end of it if you were taller than me. Capiche?”

“I—uh,” Lloyd laughed. “Sure.”

“ _Capiche?_ ” Kai repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“Capiche,” Lloyd said, grinning.

Kai smirked. “Good.” He stepped up next to Lloyd, turning to sling his arm over Lloyd’s shoulders. “You’ll always be my little brother, green bean, but I’d prefer it if you’d actually stay smaller.”

“Hey!” Lloyd playfully protested—then squawked in additional protest as Kai used his free hand to ruffle his hair.

After a moment Kai shifted his grip to pull Lloyd into a side hug, his expression sobering. “I missed you. You know that, right?” Kai asked, his gaze vulnerable as he searched Lloyd’s face earnestly.

Lloyd leaned into him. “Yeah, I know,” he said. He paused, then added quietly, “I missed you too.”

Kai ruffled Lloyd’s hair again, and this time he didn’t protest.

“So, how’re you doin’, green bean?” Kai finally asked. 

Lloyd rolled his eyes, warmth blossoming in his chest. “I’m fine.”

“No more spacing out?”

“Nope.” When Kai looked at him pointedly, Lloyd amended, “Only if I push myself too hard. How are you?”

Kai’s expression fell slightly, and Lloyd winced internally. Kai took a deep breath. “Good. Better. Uh, ten weeks. Sober, I mean.” He looked down. “Uh, yeah. You probably already knew that.”

Lloyd _had_ already known that, but hearing it from Kai himself made a warm glow fill his chest. “I’m proud of you.”

Kai’s head snapped up. “Proud?” he asked, sounding absolutely baffled. “But I—”

“ _Came back_ ,” Lloyd stressed. “Even though it was hard. And even—” His voice cracked. “—even though you didn’t have to.”

The shame in Kai’s expression softened as he tilted a small smile in Lloyd’s direction. “I thought that I was supposed to be the wiser one,” he joked.

Lloyd scoffed. “As if.”

“Hey, with age comes wisdom—”

“You set your bed on fire _intentionally_.”

“That was _one_ time!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!  
> Comments make my day if you have 'em! ❤️


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